: destroying corporate double talk, daily.
vomit list & search [search on one or more fields] Submit Your Own

Now serving 310 total puddles of vomit and growing. Viewing at a time.
1-a   a-b   b-b   b-c   c-d   d-e   e-f   f-h   h-i   i-l   l-m   m-o   o-p   p-p   p-r   r-r   s-s   s-s   s-t   t-v   v-y   view all

compensation package
The expense of having a resource. Unfortunately, resources must rent homes, drive cars and eat food, so to keep them alive (so that they can work), they must be compensated. Sometimes the cost of hiring a specific resource is such that his or her compensation package is out of all proportion to the compensation packages of other resources doing similar work. Thus compensation specifics are regarded as "highly-sensitive" information, and resources are warned that they can be de-hired if they discuss their compensation packages with other resources.
Conference Room Pilot (CRP)
Hard to describe without using trash, but basically, it's a software requirements gathering and software understanding circle-jerk.
core competency
Main skills, primary abilities - either is preferable.
Corporate DNA
A weird way to say something is a part of a company's identity or culture.
cover (all) our bases
This generally means to make sure that all the loose ends are taken care of and nothing's going to jump up and bite us in the ass. Seems that it would be derived from baseball, but doesn't really translate directly. However, if you took it to the maximum that a corporate tool is capable of you could put something nauseating like this together, "Let's cover all our bases so we can put ourselves in a postion to hit one out of the park for a grand slam! Let's go team!" Where cover bases generally means to make sure no problems arise and everything has been attended to, I'm sure this is really how this phrase came into use corporately. I shudder to think I'm probably right.
CPS - Cheap Plastic Shit
All the plastic made in China logoed stuff given away by companies at corporate events.
critical mass
I would say for the lay person this is when something reaches a certain goal or a point where a new phase can or needs to be started. Critical mass seems to always be "reached" for. Example: "When we've reached that critical mass we can then..."
Usually used to refer to a sharing of ideas between two teams or two or more teams working together.
Cover your ass.
Used to indicate that you (the tool) have some time available for a project, as if you were a computer processor under low load. Sample use: "I can take care of that, I have some available cycles." I always want to respond in a computer/robot voice - then smack the person, but that goes without saying.
Dashboard of Indicators
A really stupid way of saying "bunch of statistics". Often used in conjunction with terms that promise change that becomes excuses for inertia like "transformation".
data blip
An irregularity in the data whose reasoning cannot be determined, as if the data itself displays a brain freeze.
Usually used incorrectly to identify a point of emphasis, and almost never referring to actual data.
To forcibly terminate a resource's employment, usually using the Change of Relationship Form. The resource is then supervised as he or she packs his stuff and is then escorted to the door.
Deep Dive
Referring to research done by a resource to understand a problem in detail. This often used by entry level managers when pressured by upperlevel management for answers.

1-a   a-b   b-b   b-c   c-d   d-e   e-f   f-h   h-i   i-l   l-m   m-o   o-p   p-p   p-r   r-r   s-s   s-s   s-t   t-v   v-y   view all
Submit Your Own
copyright © 2004-2018 disgruntled productions