: destroying corporate double talk, daily.
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Now serving 310 total puddles of vomit and growing. Viewing at a time.
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team player
You've bought into the system and mindlessly get along with everyone because you're a "team". Also known as lackey, toady, ass kisser, dick sucker, tool. Anyone who openly says they are a team player is looking to be your boss and make your life miserable because you know full well they are a talentless shitpile hack with no redeeming qualities other than no gag reflex.
tee it up
If you are co-presenting, and your colleague or boss has the intro, you tell them to "tee it up" to kick off the discussion.
that ship has sailed
You missed your window of opportunity, asshat.
the ball's in their court
Someone else now owns it and it's out of your hands. More sports references.
think outside the box
If you haven't heard this one then you've been living _in_ a box. This one has made it into commercials it's so bad. I think this one was born in the beginning of whatever this despicable trend is.
to pursue other opportunities
The new "fired". Also can mean a person actually just quit, but that would be too easy to say. Better to remain nice and ambiguous, don't want to rock the boat.
to your point
Used to refer back to a point someone else made in the discussion but only because you don't have anything better to add and feel you need to say something.
- OR -
What a coworker says to "blow another co-worker" and re-enforce what a great idea he/she had. To (insert co-workers name)'s point we really need to increase profits.
"...packing entire companies with A players - high performers, from senior management to minimum wage employees - those in the top 10% of talent for their pay." -
Total Cost of Ownership (TCO)
A random and rather incalculable total cost of purchasing something based on its life expectancy and related usage/support costs. Usually spewed from a salesman who wants to convince you that you are making the right decision. It's total crap, designed to be a "budgetary number" to "justify" the purchase. I need to puke
touch base
Sync up or otherwise have a brief meeting. Another term taken directly from the obnoxious language of sports.
Yet another war reference that's completely out of place as to be offensive to those who have been wounded or died in battle. Essentially sorting out what problems or action items need the most attention and putting all your best resources on those items. Also similar to puting out fires, but more extreme... I think.
tribal knowledge
Information known only to a small group within an organization. Theoretically this prevents other groups or individuals from being at their most effective and productive level. What it actually does is remind everyone that training is important, documentation is necessary, and sharing information is good in case the company decides to fire you. So, stuff you should already know.
Essentially means "all set up and ready to go." Excessively used in the the business world when some asshole thinks their product is the greatest thing on the planet. It's never f-ing turnkey, nothing ever is. The implication is that their shit is so good and well prepared that all you should need to do is "turn it on" and you're ready to go. Reality dictates otherwise. Don't fall for this shit.
Uh, something that adds value? If you add value to something that already doesn't have any value, does that then make it valuable? A broken down car with nice rims is still a broken down car.
Software that should exist right now, but doesn't or something that will supposedly exist in the future and solve the world's problems.

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