: destroying corporate double talk, daily.
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Now serving 310 total puddles of vomit and growing. Viewing at a time.
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skill set
Things a resource has the ability to do. Often the skill set is defined arbitrarily narrow so as to focus a resource on a limited aspect of company business. The fewer seeing the big picture for themselves, the better.
Small Medium Business. No, it doesn't mean "suck my balls". How juvenile of you.
soft launch
All the deadlines weren't met on a given project so you half-ass it.
Normally, an answer to a problem. However, that's not quite what it means in corporate terms. It roughly translates to "we think we know everything and we're the band of idots that can offer the best end to end solutions." Any company with solutions in the title generally thinks they can do everything. You know what, most of the time they CAN do everything, they just can't do anything well or completely. Those companies are composed of many many solutions over time ranging from adequate results to utter falures, but rarely a truly satisfied customer, or worker for that matter. Ooops, sorry, I meant resource.
To lead; take initiative.
spin up
This is a corporate vomit for "start" or "get started" and it probably originates from thinking of a disk spinning up. However, the term is now used by management idiots who have no idea what a hard drive does anyway.
As in, "Stake ownership of this project." Make claim to, take responsibility for.
sticky (design)
Refers to tricks and gimmicks to keep users coming back to a web site. Any good ideas designers might have had in the beginning that could have achieved this intended effect will all but be crushed by the time the design is live, rendering this concept completely useless.
sticky point
An area of slow down. Example would be working through a project moving along just fine and you reach a sticky point which really stops you from progressing. I think I'm going to make my sticky point on my shoes right now.
A quick substitute for something or a half-ass temporary fix for something. However, these temporary fixes tend to become final solutions and never get revisited. That's always intended for "the next version release" but rarely ever happens. The initial fix either gets looked over during revisions or the next version never happens. Inevitably the initial fix or substitute will fail, at which time emergency meetings will be called and management will come up with their "aggressive" porposals to clean up the problem. They will be rewarded for their problem-solving skills (getting other resources to do shit that should have been done a long time ago, but was avoided since that same manager wanted to meet some unneccessary arbitrary deadline), even though the problem stemmed from their own ignorance many months ago. Ain't business grand?
stretch goals
It's not enough to have goals anymore you now need goals beyond goals if you're going to be successful. In these times of everyone needing to feel good, what's now happend instead of just having one hard to achieve goal we now give ourselves a goal which we make relatively easy, and then make a stretch goal that's more difficult, to make ourselves feel really good and to make management feel like they're going that much more of a job.
subject matter expert
The person who knows the most about a particular product. If that person has been de-hired, the subject matter expert is whoever wants to be de-hired next.
Kill, fire, destroy. Let's not kid ourselves that it's anything else.
Chat, talk, or information being passed around haphazardly - usually rumor.
sync up
To have a meeting, especially but not necessarily between two people. Evidently borrowed from the Palm Pilot lexicon.

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