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10,000 foot level
An alternative to "high-level". Alternatively, the level you'd like the person saying this to jump from.
 
A
Shortening of AM as in morning, because removing the "M" is really saving a TON of time. "Max, we have to set up a powwow to see if we can onboard some of these dissenters. How's 7A or 5 P looking?"
 
A/B
Verb or Noun. To compare two things. "Let's do an A/B on these products". Borish substitue for the words "compare" and "comparison".
 
action item
Something which needs to be either done or at least placed in a list of things in need of doing. For example, an action item in the de-hiring of a resource would be the revocation of the resource's network privileges.
 
action sound motion emotion
This gem was uttered in response to the mere mention of Macromedia Flash. To capture the spirit of this filth, say it with pauses between each word and throw in two "finger guns". If you are unable to pull it off, be very happy -- because only the lowest form of septic-swilling corporate trash can manage it. This apparently captures the spirit of animation on a web site, but is about as inspiring as a marketing prick using "sexy" to describe something. Thanks, now I need a shower.
 
action-oriented
Similar to "task-oriented." Your basic corporate bullshit. Basically means to be progressive or pro-active. Really lame.
 
add value
Increase the worth of something. There is no term for "decrease the worth of something."
 
aggregate
Whole, total, gross amount. Not offensive on its own, but so over used as to be nauseating.
 
aha
No, not the 80's band A-Ha. Aha is typically uttered as an exclamation upon thinking of a good idea - as in, "Eureka!" Somehow this got perverted and the utmost of corporate trash use it this way, "That's a great aha." Or, "Give us your ahas."
 
ahead of the curve
Being proactive or being ahead of schedule or somehow ingeniusly having predicted whatever has come up and seeing that you don't have to deal with the problem because you had such amazing foresight. Announcement of "being ahead of the curve" is usually followed by delays, scope creep and a whole host of bullshit problems.
 
All hands on deck
A seafaring term now used by corporate slugs whenever maximum resources are needed to finish a project. An "all hands on deck" meeting means EVERYONE must attend.
 
anyhoo
This one is self-explanatory. Seriously, "anyhow" is a tried and true word with the same number of letters. Why change the 'w' to a 'o' to purposely sound like a pansy?
 
AR
Action Required
 
ask (used as a noun)
A ridiculous misuse of a word, "ask" has recently emerged as a synonym for "question." Examples of such disgusting misuse would be raising ones hand in a meeting and saying "I have an ask," or discussing a potential question someone might have regarding a new project by saying "now, the ask in this is going to be......"
 
at the end of the day
This one of the most over used phrases in the corporate management world and frankly I'm appalled I didn't post this sooner. "At the end of the day, we need to provide the client what we promised in our initial proposal and I don't care how we do it." This term obviously doesn't literally refer to the end of the day - of course almost none of corporate speak translates literally, that would be too easy.
 
attitude problem
Used to descibe any voice of reason in the corporate world. Example: "Johnson says that you can't read our logo on these thumbtacks. He's got an attitude problem."
 
back fill
Work backward from a result. Might be similar to reverse engineer (to back fill the gaps, for example), but I could be wrong. This one has been used in too many different ways around me. One can never be sure.
 
back up
Watch someone's back if they are out of the office or on the other phone line I suppose. Help them out.
 
baked-in
Usually a concept, culture, or behavior that's hard to change. Basically if it's "baked-in" forget about doing anything new. Often used as an excuse to avoid change. And by change I mean work. And by work I mean not meetings.
 
ball park
Means an estimate, no rocket science there. Ball park however is obviously completely unnecessary as you surely realize. Doesn't make any f-ing sense either.
 
band-aid (or band-aid fix)
A quick fix usually pushed by management to make a problem go away. Usually this fix is intended to be temporary, but generally becomes part of the final product and therefore sits there and festers until it rears its ugly head later on and becomes a major problem.
 
bandwidth
Mostly used to describe how much freed up time a resource has, as in, "Anne, what's your bandwidth like right now?"
 
bang for the buck
Pathetic attempt to make the concept of "value" exciting.
 
base (product)
Essentially "stock" software with no enhancements. An example would be in a meeting when someone asks about a piece of functionality and someone asks, "Is that base?" Meaning, "Is that more than the original work for the project to create, is it in the original specs, and (most importantly) is it in the budget?"
 
BAU
Business As Usual. At least I hear this pronounced B-A-U and not "bow" - that would be worse.
 
beachhead
Yet another war reference hijacked by corporate tools. Used to convey market or product dominance, or market positioning that should give them the upper hand. Maybe I'll choose to not send reinforcements.
 
behind the 8 ball
In control, ready to finish off something, in position to do whatever. Who the hell really knows.
 
benchmark
Used a lot of different ways and usually incorrectly, but what's new in corporate speak? Used in place of milestone incorrectly from time to time. Also used semi-correctly when describing testing or testing results.
 
best in class
Should mean the best product in a segment, but often overused to describe anything good.

"We'd really like to maximize our ROI on this project. Let's get out there and use our best practices to find out what it will take for us to put together a real best in class software package."
 
BHAG
Big Hairy Audacious Goal- a term stolen from Collins & Porras' 1996 Harvard Business Review article. The authors originally defined it as a audacious 10-30 year goal to progress to some envisioned common future. A visionary goal. Basically a "stretch goal". But now it is used to define the mark to reach in the short term. Usage: "how is your group progressing towards their BHAG"? Pronounced B-hag.
 
bio-break
Ok I like this one... but used to excuse yourself from a meeting in order to use the restroom.
 
bird dogging
Looking into an issue, getting down to the core problem, usually with much effort. Good dog, now quit licking your balls in the office.
 
bodies
An employee or new hire. Used most frequently in the sentence, "we need more bodies". Um no, you need a qualified individual, not a warm lump of flesh.
 
bodies
A substitute for employees, important or not, but usually not. "Looks like a problem. See if you can get some bodies on that to help put out those fires."
 
bottleneck
An essential resource who impedes the rapid completion of a project. Resource bottlenecks are generally those which are overworked and understaffed. Bottlenecks seem to occur most often in graphic design, database approval, and quality assurance.
 
bounce off
As in, "Let's bounce this off so-and-so...." Very similar to, "Let's run it by..." Just not necessary.
 
brain drain
When one or more important (a manager would say "key") resources are lost due to de-hiring or for some other reason resulting in a brian drain. I'll just stop now and ease the pain.
 
brain dump
A "download of data" from a coworker. "Hey, let's get together later today at your desk for a brain dump." Most used when a project is starting and someone else is already ahead of others thus carrying more information than anyone else, requiring a "brain dump" to others in the project.
 
breakfast meeting
A meeting that takes place before the usual workday start time. The meeting organizer hopes to entice the meeting goers by offering up a breakfast to make up for getting up extra early and wasting one more hour (or more) of your life.
 
bring to the table
Probably used many many years ago when someone was referring to what two or more parties were going to offer up at a meeting of importance likely dealing with high powered deals involving land, large sums of money, etc. Now it's used like water at meetings and really means (in manager speak) "What can you give me to make me look better, and if you have nothing I'm not interested in your sorry ass. Go away."
 
brown bag
I used to think this referred to lunch. Nope. Brown bag is used most in place of "informal" because god forbid you use actual English. Example would be, "Jeremy and his small team are going to put together a quick brown bag meeting to bring you all up to speed on the project."
 
bubble up
Push the issue upward to the C's or near the C's and they will discuss the issue offline.
 
bucket
Your pile of shit to do, or a general pile of shit to get done by someone. Also can mean to put an expense of doing business (resource costs) into a bucket (usually of pretend money).
 
bullet-point
Point of emphasis, usually in a presentation. Entry point in the presenter's head the bullet would make if that laser pointer you're holding had a gun attached to it.
 
business-to-business (B2B)
The meaning is obvious. The invention of, and over use is deplorable.
 
BUSY BUSY
Usually said in a high pitched voice. When you ask a co-worker "how are you today" it's such a typical response.
 
buy-in
What it will take for someone to get involved with or accept a project. Usually in comparison to their ROI.
 
c-level
Refers to the corporate big-wig level of a business. You know, CEO, CFO, etc. Sample use, "Hmmm, that's a pretty big decission, I think we'll need to take this to the c-level." It really should be the T-level. Capital "T" for "tool" - ultimate corporate tool.
 
capture
Remember, hold onto, retain. Not offensive on its own, but overused in reference to capturing data, audiences, user information, etc.
 
catch
As in "nice catch", meaning you're "on the ball" and caught something that was probably going to become a problem in the future. usually occurs the first time you're skimming a document in a meeting which a dozen people have reviewed over several months and only now did someone find this glaring mistake.
 
challenge
A problem. Simply using the word "problem" generates excessive negativity and implies there's nothing that can be done, which is often the case.
 
challenge your leader
Usually spoken by HR to encourage you to ask your boss why the hell they aren't doing their job. The assumption is you're supposed to look after them when they are dropping the ball.
 
change is good
Corporate speak for "this isn't going to hurt a bit" and then seeing a puddle of your own blood on the floor. Suuuuure. Anyway, what's perceived as change by the management rarely filters down to the resources. Most of the time it's just management stroking their egos attempting to convince everyone that they actually do anything. The only time change is good really affects resources is when it results in de-hiring, redundancies, or sunsetting. Associated brainwashing material is the video "Who Moved My Cheese?" I truly pity you if you've had to sit through this slap in the face. If you're unaware, it's a corporate video that treats you like a child with a cartoon illustrating that change is good. Try not to slit your wrist while watching. It's not worth it and besides management will just be happy that they have one less resource to fire at some point.
 
change/switch gears
Apparently to change speed at which something is being worked on or addressed. Managers love to change gears.
 
checkpoint
Project status meeting. AKA a manager's meeting to gather information so he can cook up something to report back to his supervisor... in their checkpoint meeting. And so it goes.
 
Checks and Balances
Typically used after someone has made a hard to predict error and management needs to know why they weren't looking for a problem they didn't yet know existed.
 
Circle the Waggons
This comes from the old West when Indians were attacking and Pioneers would circle the wagons in an effort to protect the women and children. In its corporate use it means to bring in everyone ever associated with an issue in an effort to protect the project.
 
circle-back
Go ping someone in the organization, pick their brain for information, then bring that information back to me.
 
CLM (Career Limiting Move)
You f-ed up and it's going to cost you. Example: Creating this website, showing it to your boss and announcing you created it on company time.
 
coach
A boss; someone who orders others around. The term "coach" has fewer negative connotations in our society than the term "boss." "Coach" indicates that the game of business is much like football or baseball, an idea that appeals to many who would have preferred to get rich that way.
 
compensation package
The expense of having a resource. Unfortunately, resources must rent homes, drive cars and eat food, so to keep them alive (so that they can work), they must be compensated. Sometimes the cost of hiring a specific resource is such that his or her compensation package is out of all proportion to the compensation packages of other resources doing similar work. Thus compensation specifics are regarded as "highly-sensitive" information, and resources are warned that they can be de-hired if they discuss their compensation packages with other resources.
 
Conference Room Pilot (CRP)
Hard to describe without using trash, but basically, it's a software requirements gathering and software understanding circle-jerk.
 
core competency
Main skills, primary abilities - either is preferable.
 
Corporate DNA
A weird way to say something is a part of a company's identity or culture.
 
cover (all) our bases
This generally means to make sure that all the loose ends are taken care of and nothing's going to jump up and bite us in the ass. Seems that it would be derived from baseball, but doesn't really translate directly. However, if you took it to the maximum that a corporate tool is capable of you could put something nauseating like this together, "Let's cover all our bases so we can put ourselves in a postion to hit one out of the park for a grand slam! Let's go team!" Where cover bases generally means to make sure no problems arise and everything has been attended to, I'm sure this is really how this phrase came into use corporately. I shudder to think I'm probably right.
 
CPS - Cheap Plastic Shit
All the plastic made in China logoed stuff given away by companies at corporate events.
 
critical mass
I would say for the lay person this is when something reaches a certain goal or a point where a new phase can or needs to be started. Critical mass seems to always be "reached" for. Example: "When we've reached that critical mass we can then..."
 
cross-pollination
Usually used to refer to a sharing of ideas between two teams or two or more teams working together.
 
CYA
Cover your ass.
 
cycles
Used to indicate that you (the tool) have some time available for a project, as if you were a computer processor under low load. Sample use: "I can take care of that, I have some available cycles." I always want to respond in a computer/robot voice - then smack the person, but that goes without saying.
 
Dashboard of Indicators
A really stupid way of saying "bunch of statistics". Often used in conjunction with terms that promise change that becomes excuses for inertia like "transformation".
 
data blip
An irregularity in the data whose reasoning cannot be determined, as if the data itself displays a brain freeze.
 
datapoint
Usually used incorrectly to identify a point of emphasis, and almost never referring to actual data.
 
de-hire
To forcibly terminate a resource's employment, usually using the Change of Relationship Form. The resource is then supervised as he or she packs his stuff and is then escorted to the door.
 
Deep Dive
Referring to research done by a resource to understand a problem in detail. This often used by entry level managers when pressured by upperlevel management for answers.
 
deliverables
Features of a product that can be achieved by a specific date. Always spoken of in the future tense.
 
Delta
Acceptable usage is in science when used to indicate change. Bastardized in the corporate world when used in place of the word "difference". For example, "If there are less cabinets at the new location than we currently have, get the delta on that."
 
dialog (when used as a verb)
A longer, more sickening way to say "talk." "I want to dialog with you about this." "I'm glad we are dialoguing with Sam."
 
disconnect
A break in communication. Also could be the break between management's brain, their mouth, and their surroundings. Disconnects are routinely perceived by management when they are a) not getting their way b) don't know what's going on , or c) haven't had enough input and therefore feel the need to "manage."
 
dog food
Used in place of "junk", "garbage", "old", "legacy", etc.

Example would be, "That development environment is dog food on top of dog food, on top of dog food. Something is broken almost every day."
 
Don't boil the Ocean
Not to "over-think" a problem or issue. The most annoying vomit that I've ever heard !!
 
dovetail
Merge or combine two or more of something. Derived from old school carpentry. Our forefathers would be ashamed.
 
drill down
For someone to examine something in detail, feature by feature, regardless of level of management. Since this almost never happens in the course of real business (since such action might be interpreted as "taking ownership"), this term is used almost exclusively in the future tense, often as a threat.
 
Drink the Kool-Aid
Getting on board with management's program and/or vision after corporate coercion.. Origin was the mass suicide forced on members of Jim Jones' People's Temple church in Guyana in the early 80s, by making them drink arsenic laced kool-aid.. ex: "George really had some good reasons to phase in virtualization, but after his last one on one with his boss he eventually drank the kool-aid".
 
drinking from a firehose
Consuming too much information at once for your little corporate pea brain to process.
 
driven (__ driven, driven by __)
Indicating what makes something work, how something makes money or what motivates something. Most annoying use is "results driven", but can be "revenue driven, advertiser driven, etc." Initiatives are often driven by a manager.. Often driving or being driven has nothing to do with the concept that's being conveyed, as with most corporate vomit.
 
Due Diligence
Where I work, this is corporate slang for "we know damn well we aren't going to use this option, but we will pretend to research it anyways". I hear this almost every day.
 
e-anything
The practice of putting an "e" in front of just about anything and therefore making it "electronic" because electronic is cool. i-anything is also beginning to fall into this category first made popular by Apple.
 
embrace and extend
To copy another company's product and then add a few features. That's how it works in theory. In reality, most attempts at embrace and extend result in a buggy, overly-hyped knock-off which, through multiple versions, never quite attains the functionality of the original product being copied.
 
Embrace change
Almost always initially used in the context of "We must embrace change." Probably the most frightening form of corporate vomit out there. Alarm bells should immediately go off in your head if you hear this sentence uttered by anyone above you. Something very negative is about to happen (this de-hiring, benefit reductions, or a mass restructuring of the organizational chart that will NOT be to your benefit.) It's simply management's way of warning you, "This is painful. We know it's going to be painful. Suck it up and deal with it, but we still need to put a positive spin on it so we came up with this vomiting term."
 
EMEA
Europe, Middle East, Asia. If you work for a "global" company you'll hear this one a lot. Didn't this used to be called "eurasia"? That wasn't good enough?
 
end-to-end (E2E)
From start to finish, usually used when gloating about your company's capabilities.
 
engage
Just a more vomitous sounding word for "involve." I want to "engage" the IT group in this project. Sam is an engaged member of the team.
 
Engines running (up/down)
Used to describe whether a file/web server is online or not. Example: "The engines are up and running, full steam ahead!" Yet another sorry attempt to make a bland lifeless job more exciting and failing miserably.
 
EOD / BOD
End of Day / Beginning of Day. Settling into the corporate culture - EOL. Do the math.
 
EOL
End Of Life. As in, I'd like to end yours if you constantly say this.
 
executive summary
Just a nauseating way to say, "Make it about a third-grade level."
 
fire drill
Usually an early morning or late afternoon cluster F. This is when your boss has created or accepted a task that is not only unnecessary in the grand scheme of things, but requested under an often impossible timeline - that timeline being NOW. Dance monkey, dance.
 
firefighting
When a team tries to finish off ("rescue") a project that is extremely late or extremely over-budget, or is just generally going wrong.
 
Fires
Substitute for "problems", small or large. "We have a few fires we have to put out, but overall the application is a go." or "The new application is causing a lot of fires to put out. I think we need to revisit it or purge it."
 
firewall
Nope, not a software or hardware firewall, this refers to something blocking a project or keeping something else in the office from being completed.

"That report is a major firewall for this project. Let's get it done and out so we can move forward."
 
firing on all cylinders
Car speak which transformed into sports speak which transformed into corporate speak - the most heinous of offenses. Usually used when describing a team's "coming together" and "getting the job done." Miniature corporate wood results from anything firing on all cylinders.
 
fish where the fish are
Generally translates to marketing speak for focusing efforts on a group of customers being targeted.

Just so we're clear, you're a fish.
 
focus
Concentration on a single task. This rarely lasts more than a few hours even when jealously guarded.
 
forecast
Budgeting usually involving a resource's time, but also relating to monetary cost for the company.
 
forward-thinking
I may not get it, but can thinking really occur in any particular direction? What about thinking in a dimension? Or does thinking just occur. This can get very philosophical.
 
framework
Rough plan for a new idea, to be built upon in the future by endless meetings and bullshit sessions.
 
full court press
A longer-term fire drill. Usually refers to the end of a project when the team is nowhere near having it completed and it seems impossible that it will get done on time. "Full court press" is really code for "you'll be working 70 hours per week for the next month".
 
funnel harvest
I have my guesses as to the true meaning of this one, but honestly I'm not really sure. Not sure I really want to know anyway. Taking it in context I assume it means to handle what comes easily/quickly first. If you have a better idea let me know. I'm not spending any more time on this one, I'm feeling faint.
 
FYI
For your information.
 
get the ball rolling
Get things moving, progress, etc. Yet another sports type reference.
 
get traction (in that market)
Getting some market share, thus upon announcment of this making all the little peepees in the meeting room stand semi-erect. The equivalent of corporate foreplay.
 
go / no go
Determining, at deadline, whether something is ready to go to production or go live (usually a web site).

Go - The project meets the requirements and can go live

No go - The project missed the deadline due to varying reasons (scope creep, under forecasting, artificial deadlines, etc.) and needs more time to be completed.
 
go juice
Rather than talking like a normal, non-tool human being, a co-worker used to refer to coffee as "go juice", because it apparently helped him start off his day of corporate filth. If only there was a "go away juice" to get rid of people like that.

This same co-worker frequently engaged in other activities like corporate running and general brown-nosing.
 
go-to guy
Your "righthand man," your number one resource you dump a big turd on regularly when you've f-ed up and need bailing out. ('you' most often being a manager)
 
going (or moving) forward
Means "in the future" essentially. Used to describe what's coming up in a project or in a series of projects. Usually used after a project has been f-ed up, so a manager can clarify how things are going to be from now on, incorporating the enhancements or fixes that were put in place. Usually the manager had nothing to do with the improvements they are touting however, they just speak down to you like they did, and like you really need to listen to them - as if you don't already know what the F is going on and weren't the one who came up with the improvements in the first place.
 
granular
Usually used in place of "detail(ed/s)". Mostly used to describe someone getting too detailed. Example would be, "Jim, hold on a second. I think you're getting a bit too granular for this high level discussion."
 
green light
When something is ready. "This project is ready for primetime, let's give it the green light."
 
ground floor
Usually refers to getting in early, as in picking up a hot stock when it started to go up or something like that. In pure corporate terms it can mean something like that, but also can refer to resource or a manager being involved from the very beginning. "Jim got in on the ground floor."
 
H1 (or 1H), H2 (or 2H)
Absurd acronyms meaning "First half of the year" (H1, 1H) or "Second half of the year" (H2, 2H). Acronyms are everything in the corporate world.
 
hand-off
Another sports term converted to the corporate world. Usually is used when referring to projects. You get done with your part and then hand-off to someone else or another department to do their thing.
 
handshaking
I think this was probably stolen from old, or not so old, computer networking/internet connection terminology. Now it's been bastardized to mean "communicating" or "discussing", "conversing", etc. All, I can say is "ugh".
 
hardcopy/softcopy
Ridiculous ways to refer to printed and electronic documents.
 
head down
Used to describe a state of doing actual work. More fun if taken to mean "nap time".
 
heads up
A really asinine way of mentioning that one is giving others advance notice of something unusually noxious. "From now on, I'll need you to go to the team building exercises every week. I just wanted to give you a heads up."
 
herding cats
Basically means "very difficult". Anyone who uses this is probably very difficult as well - very difficult to understand how they dress themselves in the morning.
 
high level
That which is only envisioned by the project manager. Also known as "the big picture" sometimes. Also can refer to high level navigation, concept, or layout. Usually nothing to concern yourself with monkey boy. You just keep pounding keys, we'll work out the big problems.
 
hit the ground running
This is a real groaner. Basically means you can get started right away without any ramp up. This is often used when a new employee is starting. Example: "If you could get in early so we can get your paperwork out of the way first thing that would be great. Then we can hit the ground running after lunch."
 
hockey stick(ing)
Imagine you're viewing a chart/graph and there is a tiny drop followed by a long steep spike, that's a hockey stick. If you're doing so in a sales environment (usually where this is used) you're "hockey-sticking".
 
holding pattern
Stagnant, not progressing on a project. Taken from the airline industry it would seem.
 
huddle room
An undersized meeting room. Usually a result of bad cubicle planning, the extra space is filled with a small table and a few chairs.
 
hurdle rate
reasons customers say no.
 
I don't want to back into it....I want to drive into it
Recently overheard expression from a guy who wanted to understand all facets of a product up front, before opting to use said product. Perhaps he felt a driving analogy would make him cooler....but a corporate tool trying to pass as cool is akin to putting lipstick on a pig. Keep trying, wanker.
 
in the hopper
Similar to irons in the fire. Stuff being worked on, items in the queue, etc.
 
in the wild
Code or product outside of a development environment. Often used after code gets released live to production or most often used when a product such as a next generation iPhone is photographed after someone has 'lost' their prototype in a bar after drinking too much beer. Ahem.
 
incentivise
Make it worthwhile. The act of giving someone or a group of people incentive to do something. Yes, your eye rolling is warranted.
 
incentivize
To create a reason for a resource to do something that a manager or a project leader needs done. Often this involves the payment of a bonus, but it can also be the threat of de-hiring.
 
inflight
Already in progress. Surely you wouldn't want to use "in progress". That's far too long and confusing.
 
initiative
1. New project. 2. Staying late and being a corporate lapdog to give management the impression that you're a hard worker.
 
interface
Talk, dialogue, converse, chat, discuss, etc. Interface is just nice and impersonal and droid-like thus removing any human qualities to the interaction. Therefore it fits perfectly the personality free corporate world.
 
internalize
Hmmm, make internal versus external. Similar to "in house."
 
irons in the fire
How many things you have going on at once. Typical use is, "My bandwidth is limited right now, Bob, I just have too many irons in the fire." Similar to too many [blanks] in the hopper.
 
it falls in our bailiwick
The objective that the C's want achieived is part of our group's work (expertise) and some bodies in our group must be assigned to tackle it.
 
jumping-off point
Place to start from.

How many among us would like our boss to find his/her own jumping-off point?
 
keep the net out
To keep looking for answers or make it known you still need some info. "Yes, I really haven't gotten all the information we talked about at our last meeting. I'll keep the net out in case anything comes across my desk."
 
keep your eye on the prize
Essentially to stay focused on the end result. The idotic thing about this statement is that it infers that there's some reward at the end of the project. Between you and me, we know that's bullshit. I'm most familiar with the free pizza tactic. Yeah, we worked six months on this project and we get our regular pay plus pizza. If that's not motivational material I don't know what is. Throw me an f-ing bone here. How about a little incentive and I might actually try for your dumb ass. What kills me most is people who fall for this shit and get excited over $3 worth of free pizza. Get some damn self respect.
 
kick-off meeting
Yet another played-out sports analogy. This one is so old and commonplace I fear it doesn't get the attention it deserves. Well, I'm here to give it to you, you son-of-a-bitch.
 
knowledge transfer
For a resource to teach someone how to do something that only he or she knows how to do. Generally a corporation encourages knowledge transfer as much as possible since it makes it much easier to de-hire a resource whose knowledge has been completely transferred. Paradoxically, the project management system actually discourages knowledge transfer, since, with its strict capitalist model, there is no incentive for one resource to give another resource competitive skills.
 
KTA
Key Take Away
 
lap
To go around the table or room usually at a meeting to allow each peon their say. Yet another lame sports reference.
 
leading edge (or bleeding edge)
Management's misperception that they are somehow pioneering some great new technology or concept. Of course they almost never are and if they are it was the idea of one of their lowly lackeys anyway. Similar terms: "latest and greatest" "cutting edge" "pushing the envelope"
 
learning
A piece of information gained from some type of source. Like... "The recent marketing study uncovered some key learnings." I'm not sure it's even proper english.
 
legacy (software)
System, equipment, etc., that's past its prime. Usually something that could see sunset any time soon if some manager somewhere could find the resources and bucket to replace it. There's always talk about when this thing will see its last day, but it usually continues to exist on and on out of pure ineptness more than anything else. It's also usually some system that some tool wanted just a few years ago and thought would be the answer to the world's problems, but now is so woefullly out of date as to be laughable. Meaning, that it was surely out of date already a few years ago when some snake oil salesman conned them into purchasing the artifact.
 
level the playing field
Supposedly the ground wasn't even and now you have something, or plan to have something, to make you competitive or better than your competitors.
 
leverage
A longer word meaning "use." Since much of what a corporation actually has is wasted, managers like to put added emphasis on occasions when they actually use something they already have.
 
lifecycle
How long something lasts. Another term that's not bad on its own, but has been so overused as to really not mean anything any more.
 
lions share
Majority of something, the biggest part, most, biggest.
 
liquid (design)
Design flows or stretches to a browser window no matter how it's resized to generally fill as much browser window as possible. This sometimes also refers to how a design "scales" or "degrades gracefully", but usually the former.
 
living document
A document with an infinite open window to make numerous revisions to tedious tasks with no apparent end in sight.
 
lock and load
Overheard recently very loudly over a speaker phone. Excitedly means "Okay, I'm ready!" or "Yeah, let's get together for that meeting now, chap."
 
lock in
Setting up the "parameters" and requirements of a project and determining the deadline, thereby sealing the fate of the poor grunt involved. Nice knowing you. Upper management and project managers are, of course, not "locked in" to anything, allowing them to disrupt and/or destroy said project on any whim.
 
lockdown
Stopped, paused, on hold. Example use, "We're having problems with the client. This project is on lockdown for now until we clear up the issues."
 
lots of moving parts
Because "complicated" or "challenging" just doesn't cut it.
 
low-hanging fruit
Analogy used to describe easy-to-complete, quick win tasks. In no small part because of the tools who tend to utter this phrase, it conjures up a mental image of a nutsack, more than anything.
 
metric
An objective measurement of success or value. In the web world, metrics can be things like "retention," "revenue per unit time," or, in the negative sense of the word, "man-years." While corporations would like to have their employees and the public at large believe that their actions are all entirely based on a careful reading of measurable parameters, in reality many corporate actions are the result of a complex mix of bad science, wishful-thinking and the personal selfishness of managers.
 
micro site
A self-contained small website within a website, often with a promotional slant. Often cooked up by someone with a micro penis.
 
milestone
A date related to the level of completion for a project, always spoken of in the future tense. Since milestones are rarely predicted to fall anywhere near where they end up falling, the judgment of whether or not a milestone has been reached is more of an art than a science.
 
motherhood and apple pie
This apparently refers to overly-optimistic, flowery proclamations that a company shills out, as in "Sales are really strong right now and I'm not just talking motherhood and apple pie here".

Unfortunately, trying to negate corporate trash with more corporate trash does not cancel both out.
 
movers & shakers
Ass-kissers & dick-suckers (and I can't leave out back-stabbers). Am I not being clear enough? Now I'm not putting down people for working hard to get ahead (I'm in fact all for it and wish I had any reason to be motivated to do so at my own job). However, if management has singled you out as a "mover & a shacker" then you've been swallowing someone's knob. That's not up for debate.
 
multi-tasking
Doing more than one thing at a time. Aren't you special.
 
networking
Schmoozing, back-slapping, business card passing, hand shaking, seminar attending, ass-kissing, and the list goes on.
 
noodle
If you want to think about something. "Let me noodle on that for the day and get back to you"
 
nose to the grindstone
Putting on the guise of being hardworking because "there's so much to do". Usually the position of the team player, and they'll let you know about it every second they "have their nose to the grindstone". They'll also let you know how early they got in and at what time - even though they only come in super early or stay super late like once per quarter, you'd think the company couldn't get along without them putting themselves out once every three months to show off to their superiors - who in fact can see right through this crap, but pat the little pet on their head and promise a promotion... some day.
 
OBE
Overtaken By Events. Sample use: Joe: You had that report due today, did you finish it? Jim: The project I'm writing the report on is being overhauled so that task is OBE.
 
Off the Reservation
Acting or thinking in ways that are not in compliance with the directives of the immediate corporate overlord.
 
offline
A term meaning "at another, unspecified meeting." Suggesting that an uncomfortable or technically-complex topic be taken "offline" is an excellent way to put off its further discussion indefinitely.
 
offload
To get rid of, dump on someone else's plate.
 
on point
Focused, on topic, not distracted... or something.
 
onboard
Officially sucking corporate dick. You've announced your allegiance with the dumb ass running the project. You idiot schill.
 
Onboarding Process, The
To get someone to see things the same way as you.
 
OOF (out of office)
Why not OOO? Well, OOF originally stood for out of facility and later got adopted for out of office because OOO was apparently considered uncouth. Of course you could just be a human and say "not here".
 
open communication
A policy allowing one person in the firm to speak to another candidly, even emotionally, about some concern, regardless of the position within the firm of either employee. The existance of such a policy is often paraded around with much fanfare in the hopes that employees will feel that they have a voice within the firm. In actuality, of course, the moment an employee starts making real use of open communication, he or she is placed on the short list of rabble-rousers earmarked for de-hiring. The only people truly free to openly communicate are coaches and other bosses, as long as they don't give their bosses any lip.
 
out of pocket
How much something costs. Also, to let people know that you will only have access to your cellphone, so you will be working "out of pocket".
 
Out of Runway
A way of saying that the time, budget or client 'good will' has been exceeded. Can also be used like this: We still have some runway on that issue. Meaning the issue is not dead yet and could be dealt with in the remaining time etc.
 
out of the loop (in the loop, the loop)
A phrase meaning "not connected with a decision." It is used to deny responsibility or to complain about not having been consulted.
 
outage
Used to refer to someone being out of the office. Taken from industries that when using outage are referring to machines or systems. Sample use, "The following are my planned outages for this week..."
 
over deliver
Give someone too much for their money therefore setting a precedent that you may not be able to live up to on a regular basis.
 
over promise
Offering too much for the price. Usually started by a salesperson and then only ballooning as a site is forecasted.
 
own
To take responsibility for something. Someone who "owns" something can never claim that they are "out of the loop."
 
P
Shortening of PM, as in evening because dropping the P makes you THAT much cooler. "Chris, see if you can get some bodies to put out that fire. But not until after 3 P after I've gone home."
 
pain point
Generally a reoccurring annoyance in a process or software. Or the point between my eyes deep in my brain that throbs whenever someone says shit like this.

Usually a pain point is only addressed after it's made the lives of many miserable for a very long time.
 
paradigm shift/paralysis
When you realize your boss or supervisor is an asshole and you want to change jobs.
 
parking lot
Imaginary place meeting organizers/managers put dead issues, unresolved issues, or simply issues that need to be addressed later. Same place we'd all like to beat the shit out of such a person who'd use such a term.
 
Peanut Butter
Used as a synonym for "spread." Instead of simply saying "We'll spread the costs of this project over multiple departments," instead, saying "We'll peanut butter the costs . . ." A more recent term, but one that's on the rise.
 
penetration
The idea of gaining access to a company, market, or demographic. An overtly sexual term.
 
performance tuning
Improving an application or web site's speed or somehow altering the state of an organization to make things "run smoother". Could be a pathetic attempt at restructuring or simply just making redundancies or sunsetting resources.
 
pick your brain
Manager speak for "Take your ideas, and eventually claim them as my own if they are good; pin you for a moron if they aren't". Usually the words spoken to a resource when they've said just one too many things to make themselves sound like an expert in an area. A manager then wants to also gain that expertise, but really only wants your original ideas. "Pick your brain" also doubles as "office rape". Be vigilant (watch your ass).
 
ping
Not what you think - to contact someone as in "to ping someone."
 
pipeline
An imaginary thing that's usually filled with work, resources (existing or potential), action items, etc. Usually a pipeline's content is possitive though thus producing a virtual boner when it's full.
 
pitch (or throw) over the fence
shed yourself of responsibility by dumping your work on someone else.
 
plate (what's on your plate)
This is a dining/eating reference in regard to how much work you currently have going on or how much is on your plate. Usage: "I can't do that, I have too many projects, my plate is full."
 
POC
Proof Of Concept.

Piss Off Corpy.
 
point of contact (point person)
Someone who is the voice for an entire team or subgroup. Effective points of contact often maintain that they are "out of the loop" when challenges occur.
 
populate
To fill in a blank space/box on a form.
 
position it
A substitute for "I'd say it this way..." or "I'd put it like this..." Example use, "I'd position it to..."
 
Positive
Term overused by No-Ops to make a conversation or action sound more important than it really was, e.g., "I had a very positive discussion with bla, bla, bla...." Oh yeah, so when can we expect a signed contract? Throw a few positives around at meetings, and watch your paycheck grow.
 
Post Mortem
A meeting or series of meetings to discuss the outcome of a project. Meant to collect ideas for process improvement, it usually ends up as an exercise in finger-pointing. Adapted from medical terminology.
 
proactive
Doing something without being told. This is such a rare assertion of individual initiative that the very word has a mystical aura about it, much like "holy grail."
 
professionalism
Leaving your humanity at the door.
 
profit center
Something that makes money and generally does it over and over again with little effort to keep the dough rolling in. A fat bald corporate tool's wet dream.
 
project management system
A management system that divides a company into small working groups which are left to operate fairly independently and are held independently accountable for their successes and failures. This is how PMS works in theory. In the case of my erstwhile employer, PMS (renamed, for ?sthetic reasons, to RAM) was continually corrupted and influenced by such forces as CEO whim, resource manager decree, co-founder bullying (especially in the case of e-commerce projects), shoddy quantification, the special needs of acquired company integration, and the incentivizable demands of overall corporate health (especially with regard to recruitment and knowledge transfer).
 
push back
Ah, the art of corporate compromise - disagree, put the "ball back into their court", and/or offer an alternative.
 
push the envelope
Most likely originally used in racing or aeronautics to define the limit of speed/performance/etc. Now of course improperly used to define something extremely lame. Normally when this term is pulled out it really only translates to, "What we really should be doing every day if we were competent. What should be normal, but we only get that kind of work when we really go out of our way to try, and even that's debatable."
 
pushed out
Usually refers to a deadline getting moved back. Instead of using "delay" or "changed" managers feel it's important to use something like pushed out. Pointless, I know.
 
putting out fires
Cooling down hotheads, solving problems, usually followed by a big pat on the back for a job well done even though solving whatever problems there were could have probably been avoided had the manager of the project listened to anyone worthwhile when making decisions many months ago. It's usually those same people fixing things that were trying to tell their manager the right way to do things months and months ago.
 
Q&A
Stands for "questions and answers". Usually used to describe a session (meeting) where people are allowed to ask whatever they want about a project, and the other person or group is obligated to respond or find that information for them.
 
rabbit hole
When you are in a meeting to discuss very specific items, but points of disagreement come up that should be covered in a separate conversation so as not to derail said meeting, they are apparently now "rabbit holes". The only holes here are the jackholes who utter this.
 
rally the troops
A term referring to increasing the morale of drones on a project. Office workers are about as far removed from being troops as can be, thus the idiotic nature of this statement in an office environment.
 
ramp up
Increase activity or work surrounding a project. The amount of work that might be required to get a project going. Example: "The last team left us with very little documentation. I fear a lot of ramp up to get the next phase of this project going."
 
reach out to
contact
 
reading from the same hymn book
On the same page. Up to speed. In the same ballpark. You get the idea.
 
ready for primetime
Yet another term with no place in an office/corporate environment. Means something is ready. "That project is ready for primetime let's give it the green light."
 
recap
Summarize, revisit, usually at the end of a meeting.
 
redundancies
Taken from the British show "The Office". Not sure if it's actually used by Brit Corporate Trash, but works for us. Means to fire people as in "unfortunately there were some redundancies" - resources (people) were fired.
 
referral engine
Also known as a "pipe" or "conduit" - anything that keeps money and "activity" in the "pipeline". Referral engines can be people, applications, seminars, etc., but almost always require some sort of networking.
 
refresh
A web-related term referring to something short of an actual site redesign. A refresh is 'sprucing it up' a little. Of course, like most projects, most refreshes develop enough scope creep that they wind up full-blown redesigns anyway.
 
related to you
Substitute for, "in your department or under the same boss as you". Example: "Carrie, I sent this to you because Martha was looking for the same thing and I thought she was related to you."
 
resource
A living, breathing human being having a skill set and a compensation package. Resources are managed by a cloistered group which calls itself "Human Resources." Like hardware, resources have fixed lifespans, can become obsolete and can even malfunction.
 
resource bonus
An entirely fictional payment that resources are supposed to receive monthly for work done outside the project management system.
 
responsibility assignment
To pass the buck. Not just anyone can participate in an act of responsibility assignment. Generally speaking, a resource can assign responsibility only when he or she receives a larger paycheck than the resource being assigned the responsibility. A manager adept in the art of responsibility assignment can advance his or her position indefinitely beneath the level of CEO.
 
results-driven
A project or a resource which/who displays a machiavellian indifference for procedure so long as a key metric is met.
 
revisit
Explore again to bore everyone to tears for no other reason than to have another meeting and make professional meeting attendees have something to bill their time to.
 
Revisit
This is so widely used that at first I didn't think it was corporate speak. It means to look at a thing or a situation that might be screwed up in order to fix it. Used by people participating in CYA as well as people being nice about telling you that you screwed up. "You might want to REVISIT the burning fires in your department, Phil."
 
roadmap
Plan, matrix, workflow, etc. Call it what you will.
 
robust
Supposedly powerful or amazingly all-encompassing and flexible to boot. No one has ever actually seen anything like this produced - ever.
 
ROI
Return on investment. It's all about the ROI, resource.
 
roll off
When you're leaving a project or when a segment of a project is ending. Basically roll off means "end". Update: More often now being used for contractors in place of "shit-canned".
 
Roll out
To start using (deploy) a new system or service/product.
 
Rolldown
An organized flow of information downwards through the management chain. Mostly used to tell the workers something they already know.
 
Rollup
In theory, an organized flow of information upwards through the management chain. Actually used in the future tense as a placating measure. "I'll include your feedback in the rollup."
 
s.w.a.g.
Scientific wild-ass guess. As in, "Hey, how many hires did we have last quarter? No pressure, just a swag will do."
 
S.W.A.T. Team
Your company's crack team of _insert business segment_ ninjas! 911!
 
scope creep
The gradual inflation of the goals of a project as its leaders imagine more things for it to do. For a developer, this situation can quickly spiral out of control, especially since scope creep always seems to advance faster and faster as a deadline is approached.
 
searchandising
"The melding of search data with merchandising techniques allowing retailers to deliver search results that are most likely to lead to sales and use customers' search activity as a way to merchandise specific products."

I hope you're still awake.

Or, more accurately, a term most likely to influence corporate idiots to buy and implement SearchandisingTM products.
 
self starter
A very motivated resource. Someone who can hit the ground running. Basically this is someone you can supposedly leave alone and they get their shit done. You'd be surprised how few self starters there are in the office world.
 
sexy
Usually uttered by a fat balding pasty 40 something manager completely rendering the term as unsexy as one can imagine. Usually in reference to something not being as lame as what usually passes for design, but never justifying the use of the term.
 
shadow
Follow around; observe; learn from. Bizarrely used as a verb in corporate settings. "Barb is coming over from the main office to shadow you for the day." Which means she's coming over to look over your shoulder and bother you with irritating questions, all usually under the guise of a knowledge transfer, but usually to evaluate your position and see if you're really necessary or to put someone in line to take your job.
 
share shift
This is a new one. Not 100% positive on the definition. I assume it to mean a change in responsibility or sharing of responsibility or some bullshit like that. Whatever it means it's obviously done its part in the corporate jargon world - you really can't be sure what it means, isn't that the point of all this crap?
 
shared learning
When one or more people who have attended some sort of training pass what they've learned on to other resources. In reality this never works because a) after sitting through several boring days of training you never retain all of it and if you did you really can't convey it in 10 minutes with a co-worker b) usually one or more of the people involved is invariably out sick, too busy, or being manhandled by a manager so no one ever gets together to actually accomplish the knowledge transfer.
 
shepherd
To watch over something or keep it going. Usually someone who takes over a project or something that is destined to be sunsetted as a pet project or in a last ditch attempt to keep it alive. Kiss-asses will shepherd anything and everything to make it look like they are more valuable than they really are.
 
short-timer
Someone who's given notice at their job and is leaving soon. "Short-timer" infers you're not going to do jack shit in the next two weeks or however much time you have left before your freedom.
 
shovel-ready
Project is ready to go, with no extra work to be done. This statement is almost always wholly inaccurate of course.
 
show stopper
Something that can lockdown or otherwise hold up a project.
 
silo
Usually a segment of data separated from other data. Can also be used to emphasize detachment. "Suzy is in the information services silo. She'd have no idea what's going on in marketing." Where Agile managers keep the feed for their "pigs" and "chickens" in their "scrums".
 
sink or swim
I think you know this one, it's old. Probably one of the original chunks of corporate vomit.
 
skill set
Things a resource has the ability to do. Often the skill set is defined arbitrarily narrow so as to focus a resource on a limited aspect of company business. The fewer seeing the big picture for themselves, the better.
 
SMB
Small Medium Business. No, it doesn't mean "suck my balls". How juvenile of you.
 
soft launch
All the deadlines weren't met on a given project so you half-ass it.
 
solution(s)
Normally, an answer to a problem. However, that's not quite what it means in corporate terms. It roughly translates to "we think we know everything and we're the band of idots that can offer the best end to end solutions." Any company with solutions in the title generally thinks they can do everything. You know what, most of the time they CAN do everything, they just can't do anything well or completely. Those companies are composed of many many solutions over time ranging from adequate results to utter falures, but rarely a truly satisfied customer, or worker for that matter. Ooops, sorry, I meant resource.
 
spearhead
To lead; take initiative.
 
spin up
This is a corporate vomit for "start" or "get started" and it probably originates from thinking of a disk spinning up. However, the term is now used by management idiots who have no idea what a hard drive does anyway.
 
stake
As in, "Stake ownership of this project." Make claim to, take responsibility for.
 
sticky (design)
Refers to tricks and gimmicks to keep users coming back to a web site. Any good ideas designers might have had in the beginning that could have achieved this intended effect will all but be crushed by the time the design is live, rendering this concept completely useless.
 
sticky point
An area of slow down. Example would be working through a project moving along just fine and you reach a sticky point which really stops you from progressing. I think I'm going to make my sticky point on my shoes right now.
 
stop-gap
A quick substitute for something or a half-ass temporary fix for something. However, these temporary fixes tend to become final solutions and never get revisited. That's always intended for "the next version release" but rarely ever happens. The initial fix either gets looked over during revisions or the next version never happens. Inevitably the initial fix or substitute will fail, at which time emergency meetings will be called and management will come up with their "aggressive" porposals to clean up the problem. They will be rewarded for their problem-solving skills (getting other resources to do shit that should have been done a long time ago, but was avoided since that same manager wanted to meet some unneccessary arbitrary deadline), even though the problem stemmed from their own ignorance many months ago. Ain't business grand?
 
stretch goals
It's not enough to have goals anymore you now need goals beyond goals if you're going to be successful. In these times of everyone needing to feel good, what's now happend instead of just having one hard to achieve goal we now give ourselves a goal which we make relatively easy, and then make a stretch goal that's more difficult, to make ourselves feel really good and to make management feel like they're going that much more of a job.
 
subject matter expert
The person who knows the most about a particular product. If that person has been de-hired, the subject matter expert is whoever wants to be de-hired next.
 
sunset
Kill, fire, destroy. Let's not kid ourselves that it's anything else.
 
swirl
Chat, talk, or information being passed around haphazardly - usually rumor.
 
sync up
To have a meeting, especially but not necessarily between two people. Evidently borrowed from the Palm Pilot lexicon.
 
synergy
Cooperative happy horse shit.
 
table
To put aside for later. "Okay, that's enough discussion on that, we need to move along. Let's just table that for now." See also "parking lot."
 
tackle
Usually means taking on some difficult (or perceived as such) task. When someone says, "Yeah, I'll tackle that problem right away" they really are implying they are making a sacrifice and taking one for the team.
 
tag team
I guess to work as a team or take turns working on a task. That's the best I can figure.
 
take ownership
Assume responsibility. This is the opposite of the more normal practice of "responsibility assignment."
 
take ___ to the next level
To improve, extend or advance. This is usually stated as a goal; few actual advancements are ever regarded in retrospect as having quite been "to the next level." (This phrase faded from popularity in the summer of 1999.)
 
takeaway
Usually what you've learned as a result of something. Can also be a less aggressive version of action item, or what will lead up to an action item.
 
talk
Used in place of "lecture" or "presentation." As in, "My talk is on the desktop" or "Here's my talk," as they hand you a flash drive.
 
talking points
Bullet points, highlights, whatever you want to call 'em, it's lame.
 
tap your brain
Why say, "Can I ask you a question?" Or, "What do you think of this...?" When you can use a convoluted term that will win you the respect of your coach and make you the envy of all the resources around you. See also, "pick your brain."
 
task
Used as a verb. Example: "I task you to spearhead this initiative."
 
taxonomy
Another once useful term hijacked by the business world. Most often used in eCommerce circles to describe product categorization for navigation and general website organization.
 
teachable moment
"Hey, you could learn something from this experience!" Teachable moments almost never have anything to do with you directly, but some a-hole manager will group you in with the f-ups because you are a 'team'.
 
team
A group of people working together. Taken directly from the obnoxious language of sports.
 
team building exercise
Used by the Soviets under Stalin when they were known as Political Reeducation Camps. These mandatory-attendance activities usually take place at a bar, track or bowling alley and usually include spending time socializing with people you would never be friends with outside the corporate world.
 
team player
You've bought into the system and mindlessly get along with everyone because you're a "team". Also known as lackey, toady, ass kisser, dick sucker, tool. Anyone who openly says they are a team player is looking to be your boss and make your life miserable because you know full well they are a talentless shitpile hack with no redeeming qualities other than no gag reflex.
 
tee it up
If you are co-presenting, and your colleague or boss has the intro, you tell them to "tee it up" to kick off the discussion.
 
that ship has sailed
You missed your window of opportunity, asshat.
 
the ball's in their court
Someone else now owns it and it's out of your hands. More sports references.
 
think outside the box
If you haven't heard this one then you've been living _in_ a box. This one has made it into commercials it's so bad. I think this one was born in the beginning of whatever this despicable trend is.
 
to pursue other opportunities
The new "fired". Also can mean a person actually just quit, but that would be too easy to say. Better to remain nice and ambiguous, don't want to rock the boat.
 
to your point
Used to refer back to a point someone else made in the discussion but only because you don't have anything better to add and feel you need to say something.
- OR -
What a coworker says to "blow another co-worker" and re-enforce what a great idea he/she had. To (insert co-workers name)'s point we really need to increase profits.
 
topgrading
"...packing entire companies with A players - high performers, from senior management to minimum wage employees - those in the top 10% of talent for their pay." - topgrading.com
 
Total Cost of Ownership (TCO)
A random and rather incalculable total cost of purchasing something based on its life expectancy and related usage/support costs. Usually spewed from a salesman who wants to convince you that you are making the right decision. It's total crap, designed to be a "budgetary number" to "justify" the purchase. I need to puke
 
touch base
Sync up or otherwise have a brief meeting. Another term taken directly from the obnoxious language of sports.
 
triage
Yet another war reference that's completely out of place as to be offensive to those who have been wounded or died in battle. Essentially sorting out what problems or action items need the most attention and putting all your best resources on those items. Also similar to puting out fires, but more extreme... I think.
 
tribal knowledge
Information known only to a small group within an organization. Theoretically this prevents other groups or individuals from being at their most effective and productive level. What it actually does is remind everyone that training is important, documentation is necessary, and sharing information is good in case the company decides to fire you. So, stuff you should already know.
 
turnkey
Essentially means "all set up and ready to go." Excessively used in the the business world when some asshole thinks their product is the greatest thing on the planet. It's never f-ing turnkey, nothing ever is. The implication is that their shit is so good and well prepared that all you should need to do is "turn it on" and you're ready to go. Reality dictates otherwise. Don't fall for this shit.
 
value-add
Uh, something that adds value? If you add value to something that already doesn't have any value, does that then make it valuable? A broken down car with nice rims is still a broken down car.
 
vaporware
Software that should exist right now, but doesn't or something that will supposedly exist in the future and solve the world's problems.
 
virtual bench
Interviewing and leading-on a fairly large group of potential resources only to stall things and therefore make them more hungry for a job. These poor souls, sorry, resources become your "virtual bench". Pricks, I know.
 
VROM
Stands for "Very Rough Order of Magnitude". Don't ask my why this would ever be used. I personally think "estimate" would do.
 
wear a lot of hats
Used to describe a person who does a lot of stuff (or so they say). These are usually people who do work they don't have to (subtle form of ass kissing). Maybe there are people out there who work in environments where they really do care - they have a personal relationship with the owner perhaps, or revenue sharing or something - but mostly this term is only used by someone bragging/sucking-up, or someone labeling someone else as a spineless kiss-ass who can't say "no" and actually enjoys being someone's tool.
 
webinar
A seminar on the web. I'm not kidding, I wouldn't do that to you.
 
welcome aboard
Translation, "Thanks for accepting our shitty job offer. We hope to make the next several years of your life as lame, boring, and miserable as humanly possible. I'll be your annoying manager until I get unjustly promoted as soon as possible."

Yep, has nothing to do with business, but was swiped from sailing/boating and possibly flying. I'm assuming its use is to imply that, "We're all on this ship together" or some such crap. That's the kind of thing only a moron would think up. It's insulting and sailors everywhere should lift up their oars and beat the living shit out of any tool spouting this crap.
 
Whack-A-Mole
1) Fixing one problem and having many more crop up. 2) Putting out fires as the crop up and never figuring out how to properly do something. Like the carnival game, only crappy and corporate.
 
wheelhouse
That which pertains to one's aptitude, or sphere of responsibility. Usage: "Why don't we put that on Greg's plate? It's definitely in his wheelhouse."
 
where the rubber meets the road
Hmmm, maybe "where it matters"? Similar to traction in some uses/respects. Nauseatingly stupid either way.
 
WRT (With Regard To)
Usually followed up with a "WTF" thought bubble.
 
yard stick
Imaginary device used to measure things in the corporate world. We're so dumb we need to imagine a giant ruler to figure out what's going on. Brilliant
 

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